13 October 2010, wednesday and yet I thought it was only tuesday. Time is so fast, soon I would be turning another year. Last night was my 10th day, and yesterday somebody sort of giving me an ultimatum whether I would meet him or not. Duhhhh!!! Well, normally, or back in older days I would have simply ignored and disregarded him. But, somehow, turning another year older does not boost confidence, actually one basically feel older, less undesirable, less marketable ... sort of slowly loosing one's mojo.
An eyeball is exciting and stressful, one wonders about the person, likewise one wonders if one would be acceptable or not. I felt like I am not ready to meet anyone, well, I wanted my first one to be Nats since we have been chatting and exchanging messages since I got my internet connection - somehow, our planned weekend did not push through, we were not ready. But when one would really be ready? So I said yes to this guy and I told Nats about it. Nats was a bit disappointed that I would be meeting someone else, someone would be my first upon being back here in Manila, I replied that this would be most likely bad sex, something simply of the flesh, and over in less than an hour. That is another factor that I guess comes with age, somehow I want some connection, some cuddling, some hugging afterwards. And yet, my first time upon returning home would be just like the old days - hi, hello, lets do it, and goodbye.. see yah!
How should I describe my first pinoy in my new crime scene? He is tanned or moreno, shorter than me, stands most likely 5-6, 150lbs or so. He is discrete looking, meaning he does not appear to be gay, but likewise, nothing striking that would normally attract my attention if we were to meet somewhere else. We met as scheduled 6 pm in the designated meeting area, and from there walked to my new crime scene, same building, same location, same bed, but a different floor, am now on the third floor, third door on the right (likewise, the last door). Before, i lived on the second floor, first door on the right. As I have told Stan, by 7 pm, I was in Abensons Waltermart window shopping for a bed among other things.
Last night made me a bit melancholy about my latino friends. And reminded me likewise of the ones that would not be gifted in terms of size as other latinos and yet, made me cum and miss their company. One of them would be John or Jan, well their pronunciation is different. He is very white and very sweet, and I remember being surprised in meeting him in person in July 2010 for I thought he would be taller, he was shorter than I expected. He is a medical student with a straight twin brother. I find him very handsome that he reminds me of the actor in Criminal Minds, the one whose wife was killed and used to head the division.. wish I can share his face pic but as readers would note, I do not post face pics here except for those who I advertise for their services.
John was not endowed but he kept his hard on and kept fucking me, licking my nipples, caressing my body, using butterfly kisses and all. I liked him so much that I hoped he would visit me again, sad to say, after that, things have gotten bad that our schedule did not jive for us to have sex again. But we did keep in touch via text and all. Oh well, anyway, John thus proves that size is not everything. He was very affectionate, we were kissing and hugging, he fuck with a smile! (NOTE: ALL PICS IN THIS BLOG ARE THAT OF THE LATINO JOHN. NO PICS OF LAST NIGHT )
He stayed to talked afterwards, and since he is free, we went out to eat at Wendys together and continued our discussion about each other. It was getting to know each other. The next time we met and had sex again, I remember giving him a leather bracelet for him to remember me, that leather bracelet has a twin. In my my private collection I have a pic of him kissing me on the cheek while I stare at the camera. So sweet and touching ... sad to say, enjoy the moment while it lasts!
Nats have raised the question whether I would be satisfied with him since he thinks he is only around average or medium sized, and I have told him that its not the size that matters first - for me, for any top, ITS THE ERECTION! I mean, I think I have blogged it before, what is the use of a big one that is not hard enough to be inserted or to force itself in my ass? I find it a bit frustrating to find a flaccid cock, and a bit turned off - I mean, am I not hot enough for him to maintain his erection? Or he is simply just like me, unable to maintain an erection for whatever reason, like stress or thinking about problems. I know Nats has nothing to do with my eyeball last night nor with my sexperience with Latino John ... except that, a part of me wished it was him that I was with last night. Well, it was with Nats I was exchanging text last night, and chatting again today.
Now, back to factors of a good sex which is rigidity - one other thing that matters - LUBRICANT! I mean it was flattering that my partner was horny enough to want to shove his cock inside me after putting the condom, but please, without proper lubrication, it would be a bit difficult, no matter how the manhood is just like a single finger with an oversized thumb. Oh well, anyways, first times are usually over rated, and I guess not meant to be enjoyed much except to teach us morals or points to consider the next time around. My consolation, made me miss John and realize how lucky I am to have known guys like him.
Back here, I really do like Nats and also afraid of meeting him, from online to real life, he seems so perfect, a potential partner, a probable lover. Do I wish he was my first, yes, still yes ... then I just simply caution myself that sometimes certain fantasies are not meant to be realized. I have texted Nats about blogging him and he does not want to be blogged, but that is how much I like him - how much I consider him to be part of my life back here. Which is funny since I do not know him personally, nor do I think I would ever meet him in person - why? Just a gut feel ... and then I feel, I am growing old .... sex or lust should be separate from love, to mix them together is a recipe for disaster. There is no medicine for a broken heart, for std - there is some medicines.
I hope I am not that confusing, for I know I am without doubt confusing - others thinks I am a maniac or a sex addict but with all the stresses of my private life and moving back here, sex have been concentrated into reminiscing my previous life. The last comment I had ... "the fun continues" ... but when shall I be ready for it to commence? time will tell ... i hope ... (ei, funny, it may be, i do have some numbers already in my celphone for fun, but somehow I am simply not up to it yet, or simply said, i am falling for Nats. Love is such a mystery, it creeps in unknowingly!)
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